SOLE Blog

September 30th, 2009

Up and down

The whole day seemed to be "up."

I was just more than 35 kilometers (about 22 miles) into my first 50k trail race, headed up to Bald Mountain, the highest point on the course. And there, in front of me, as if strewn carelessly like some infantile giant's marbles, the trail was awash in rocks and boulders..

Blocking the way "up."

It wasn't, I told myself, simply another opportunity to rip an ankle or do a face plant and wind up with a broken jaw and maybe some broken ribs. It might as well have been a couple hundred meters of boulder-marbles.

The run had taken a greater toll than I had anticipated. And I was physically and mentally exhausted, despite nearly eight months of the best training of my life. In fact I had nearly quit when I pulled into the aid station a few minutes earlier at 22 miles. I told my partner that I didn't know if I could go on. I felt confused and a little dazed. I was tired of "up." It was a strange feeling. She didn't know what to do. I realized shortly that the woman who just passed me had been right, "You have to eat food out here or you will break down."

So I looked behind me, back down the trail toward where the aid station and a warm blanket and food and my partner lay. Then I looked ahead at those damn boulders and words she had told me in a card she gave me the day before rang in my head: "You aren't afraid. You keep moving forward--putting in your time, your determination...You run and run, not away, but forward. You persevere. You never, never quit."

And then I knew: I would not quit. I would finish this run. I deliberately and methodically stepped across the field of boulders, and the next, and the next and up the trail until I got to the top of Bald Mountain where I downed some cheese and a couple cups of Mt. Dew and Coke.

When I got back down to my partner and the next aid station just four and a half miles from the finish I felt renewed. The confusion and daze were gone. I was determined. "Let's finish this thing," I told her.

There is something about faith in a good outcome that gives us the patience to weather bad times, whether in a long trail race or in life. Because I hadn't paid enough attention to how rigorous the trail run had been and didn't take in enough food, my body was crashing. And somewhere along the trail I lost my faith that my training had been good enough to finish this adventure. There would be no good outcome, I had thought.

The Mt. Dew and the Coke and the cheese helped me recover enough to get to the finish line in reasonably good shape. But I believe it was the patience to hear what was inside me that did as much to keep me moving forward. When I stood quietly on that trail in front of those boulders, and listened to the wind and the rain and the voice inside that said, "never, never quit," I was able to run again.

I crossed the finish line in 6 hours 46 minutes. A decent effort for my first 50 kilometer race. It seems Mr. Disappointment won't be wagging his finger at me after all.

Thanks for reading.

Christian is the Manager for Business Development for Running for SOLE. He also covers the Great Lakes territory for SOLE.

Posted by: Matt Lambert at 4:43 p.m. in Running | Comments (0)